Abettos Deli

The Food Snob

How much caviar can one person take?

 

After two weeks on an upscale cruise ship, faced with an endless procession of delicacies: foie gras, rack of lamb, dark chocolate, tiny crustless sandwiches, exotic fruit tarts, yadda, yadda, yadda – it was a relief to get back to real food.  I mean huge portions of carbs, slabs of meat, and glorious trans fats.  So, I’m probably more enthusiastic about my meal at Abettos Deli than under normal circumstances.

Rarely does a sandwich look as appealing as the thick, dripping marble rye Reuben ($5.99) I was served at Abettos.  A side order of cheese-stuffed breadsticks called Boscos ($2.65) and a pepperoni-laden salad ($2.99) were ideal side dishes.  But the crowning glory was without a doubt the dessert pizza ($7.99), a 10-inch round of dough covered with bubbling pie filling. (We had cherry on one half and apple on the other.)

 

Such is the contradictory nature of human longing.  Normally, I decry the lack of refined, luxurious dishes made with top quality ingredients.  But 14 days of quenelles, terrines, and noisettes had me rooting for the old-fashioned “Eye-talian” dishes served at Abettos.  To split hairs, a Reuben, of course, is not Italian.  Nor of course is it a Jewish dish – after all, mixing meat and milk products (cheese) isn’t kosher.  But it fits smoothly into Abettos menu.

 

Being totally honest, I’ll admit that the red sauce served with the lasagna was overdosed with dried oregano, and that the sodium content of all the dishes was off the charts.  But I’ve got just as many criticisms of the cruise ship food:  overcooked lobster, broken sauces, tough duck, etc.

 

Obviously, there’s no such thing as perfect food, no matter where you’re eating or how much it costs.  Does it matter whether you’re eating on china or out of Styrofoam containers?  Not really.  Now if only I could convince myself that I really believe that.  

The Bachelor

For all you Simpsons fans out there, my reaction when walking into Abettos was a bit like Homer’s when he spots free cookie samples at the grocery store. I tilted my head back and released a guttural growl of satisfaction as drool began to seep out of my open mouth. It’s as if some sort of benevolent bachelors’ fairy godmother (I’m envisioning a matronly Angelina Jolie) whipped together everything I hold dear and plopped it down on a nondescript stretch of Como Avenue.  I mean, one half of the place is a liquor store, and the other serves some of the best pizza, pasta, and breadsticks I’ve had since Hogan’s Heroes went off the air – and all in an environment that is staunchly blue collar and a little offbeat.

How could this place have been right in our backyard for nearly seven years without me even knowing it?

 

Let’s start with the breadsticks – or as I like to call them, heroin sticks, because they are just that addictive. At Abettos, they’re called Boscos and the centers are filled with a nice warm, gooey mozzarella. I don’t think I need to mention that I gorged myself to the precipice of a coma on those things.

 

Just when I was coming down from my breadsticks high, my pizza arrived. Where to even begin? I’m a bachelor. I could ramble at Tolstoy-like length in describing my love for pizza, and how so few “pizzas” out there deserve the name. The veggie pizza I ordered at Abettos is a pizza’s pizza. She was your standard thin crust, but she was anything but cardboardy. When I picked the first slice off the plate, the cheese just stretched and stretched and stretched. I could have walked the length of Abettos’ huge, church-basement-like banquet hall (it looks like the type of place pancake breakfasts go to die) without snapping the string of cheese. That’s a pizza. Even though there were plenty of sliced and diced veggies swimming in the cheese, it didn’t result in the wet, sloppy mess that mars so many other specimens.

 

Oh, and that dessert pizza that the Food Snob mentioned. It was all fine and dandy, but I don’t like people playing with the sanctity of pizza and its God-intended form. I ate it, of course, but not without harboring a quiet, lonely guilt.

 

The Cheapskate

To a substantial extent, the three magical attributes converge at Abettos: Cheap, good, and plenty. Walking in from the parking lot, I saw a sign bearing the precious message “Special – Lasagne $4.99” and I began to run. Through the window I saw someone plowing a generous spatula through a giant, steaming pan of lasagne. I ran faster.

 

The others have gone on long enough. I can add little to their paean of praise to this out-of-the-way spot. I will only tell you that the counter staff and kitchen staff are my kind of people – just plain nice and helpful, really wanting you to have a good lunch at a good price.

 

That and the fact that, a day later, I made a large meal of leftover lasagne, salad, buttered herb toast, the remains of the Snob’s reuben sandwich, and yes – the Bachelor’s guilty pleasure, dessert pizza.

 

Please note that Abettos does a lot of catering – your place or theirs. It seems like a very good choice for a relaxed group event (informal staff luncheon, boisterous birthday party, etc.).

 

Question of the month

Where does the name “Abettos” come from, and is it a plural or a possessive in search of an apostrophe? Be warned: A mere Google search is not going to help you much. Visit Abettos and ask. Send your answers (multiple choices encouraged) to withoutres@yahoo.com for your chance to lunch with the Trilateral Commission of Midway-Como Food Review.

 

Abettos Deli

www.actonebanquethall.com

651-488-4040

560 West Como Avenue (a block east of Dale St.)

Monday-Thursday, 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.

Friday-Saturday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Closed Sunday